There's Not Place Like Home

Do you ever wish you could just click your heals like Dorothy and go back to a certain place in time, or to the way it is in your dreams? Lately I have, then again around this time I always feel that way. I wish I could go back to when my mom was with me and everyone seemed to listen and care about my life. Now a days, not so much. I've been feeling so alone and disconnected the last few weeks. It's like the longer I'm in Florida the farther away everyone gets. I use to talk to my family every week for at lest 30mins or more at a time, now it's more like 10-15min conversations every few weeks. I sort of feel like we are the black sheep of the family. We just get calls when someone needs something. Doesn't anyone care! Part of me is so tired of trying so hard to stay connected to everyone cuz I feel like I'm the only one working at it. Then the other part knows my kids need family so I can't stop. Which is why I love and hate this time of year. I love it cuz it's all about giving and family. I hate it cuz my kids don't get to experience it like I did with all the cousins and aunts and uncles. Plus, hubby and I don't get that anymore either. We spend a few hours with grandma then a few hours with grandpa, but it's not the same as having your Uncle chase you and your cousins around the house while your Dad and Grandpa are watching Football and your mom, aunts, and grandma are cooking in the kitchen. Those are the memories I want my kids to have, happy, fun memories of the holiday. This is another thing that I feel like I'm the only one fighting for-memories-I was hoping my brother and his soon to be wife could come down for at lest one holiday, but that's not going to happened and my dad would never come visit.
So should I just give up the fight? I don't know if I CAN keep fighting for "family" when no one else wants it. I'm so tired of being the one in the middle, the one that cares about the bigger picture. I'm not as strong as my mom, nor does anyone listen to me like they did her. I know I'll keep trying cuz that's what I do, I want my kids to have "family" even if it kills me. I'm just so tired from it. I just want to get all my Christmas shopping done then run and hide in a hole till then end of the year(which shopping for everyone is normally my favorite thing about Christmas). I would only come out make sure the kids have a good Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Which at this point I don't even know if the kids will have a good Halloween since they have me working it which I'm technically suppose to be off til Thursday. *sigh* You'd think after 6 years I would be use to it.....Welcome to my Life.