Having No Blogging Love

I've thought about blogging many times over the last few months, but the desire has just been sucked out of me. The whole reason I started this blog was to make it easier for me to keep my family and close friends updated on the kids(mostly M since she was having so many things/dr appointments going on). More then anyone it was for my grandma since I was having a hard time finding a quite moment to call this way she could just jump online whenever she had time. Over the years I've been slacking but trying to update at lest every couple months. Since L came I was planning on being good and updating monthly about him. But that's the thing about plans they don't always happen.

At the end of Oct my uncle emailed me(and other family members)about how my grandma had been sick for a few weeks and has been in the hosptial. A few days later I emailed him back(since w/three kids it's hard to get a quite moment to hear or talk to anyone), I asked how she was and if she should get really bad let me know I would want to see her. He emailed me back saying she was finally eating, not much but eating so that was a really good thing. Then on Nov 9th(my mom's birthday) he called me to tell me she was getting worse and if I wanted to see her I should make plans to come pretty soon. At that time it seemed more like with in the next month come. The next 24hrs were just a world wind! After I talked to him I jumped on the computer tried to figure out a flight, where I could stay all that fun stuff. I had planned it for 4 weeks later since that was the cheapest. I called him back to let him know the plans when he let me know she had gotten really bad that night and I needed to make it sooner. We thought for a moment maybe that weekend, but since it was just a few days away the prices were crazy, so I planned for L and me to fly out the next weekend. She only made it a few more days to Monday the 15th, when I got the call from my brother she had passed away. I was and in all truth still am upset that I didn't get to see her or even talk to her to tell her L had been born. I'm sure my uncle told her, but I didn't get to. I hadn't talk to her since about 2months before L was born every other time I tried calling she didn't answer.

Anyways, my uncle was wonderful and held the funeral on the weekend since I would be in, plus it make it so one of my other cousins was able to drive in for it. It was a nice little ceremony. Since I've been home the kids and the holidays have kept me busy. Then add in that I really haven't(nor do I really have the emotional strength to) really truly deal and come to terms that my grandma-the last connection to my mom-is gone.

In short I haven't really felt like blogging nor did I feel like there is anyone left to read and care about it, but I've realized that really the blog is for me. If someone reads it that's wonderful(and thank you) if not it's ok!